Ariana's Story: You chose "Tell"...

The next day, when the last class finished, Ariana slowly packed up her books. The other teenagers noisily hurried out into the sun. She kept wondering if she was doing the right thing. The knots in her stomach tightened as she glanced toward the front of the room. Miss was there and she was looking at her. Ariana went quickly back to her books. She felt the sudden urge to run away, but her feet seemed nailed to the floor.

Then she heard Miss approaching. Her body felt as if it were turning to ice, but she knew that she was going through with this. Miss’s voice seemed reassuring.

‘Would you like to stay and talk, Ariana?’’, she said.

Ariana could only nod.

‘I've noticed you looking really miserable lately’, Miss Costello continued.

Ariana wanted to tell Miss how miserable she really was, but no words would come out. She suddenly found she had tears streaming down her face.

Miss Costello sat down beside Ariana, close but not touching. It was a long time before she could say anything but Miss waited and did not go away.

It felt as if it had been years since she had cried, but now that the dam had broken, Ariana felt a mixture of fear and relief. Slowly, she found words to go with the tears.

‘I-I can’t sleep at night, and I-have horrible nightmares.’

‘Yes, nightmares can be really scary,’ replied Miss.

‘They are awful. I dream I am being suffocated,’ continued Ariana.

‘Sometimes when people have scary nightmares it is because there is something happening when they are awake that frightens them,’ said Miss.

Ariana knew what she meant.

‘It's my stepfather. I hate him’.

Ariana heard the words as if they came from someone else, as if they didn’t belong to her. The cold, icy feeling returned to her body, but all seemed so far away. Ariana had been staring blankly at the floor for several moments when Miss broke the silence.

‘It seems like you are saying your hatred for your stepdad has taken away all of your energy. Has he hurt you in some way?’

It was like Miss’s voice was a safety line. Ariana clung to it as the words ‘has he hurt you’ echoed around her.

‘Yes, he – he comes to my room at night and he touches me.’

Once the words were out, Ariana felt ashamed and embarrassed, and expected Miss to look shocked, or to tell her she was being silly. Instead, she calmly told Ariana she couldn’t keep this a secret. What her stepdad was doing was against the law and must not be allowed to continue.

She said she was going to inform the headteacher, who would know what to do.

Miss Costello stayed with Ariana while the head-teacher telephoned the Social Services. She asked Ariana if there was anyone she would like to have with her. Ariana said “no”, but then thought it might be nice to have kaiako stay with her. A social worker came to the school and introduced herself to Ariana. Then they went together to the police station. Whilst a policewoman and the social worker talked to Ariana, some police officers went to interview her stepdad, mum and sister.

Ariana also had to be examined by the police doctor. The whole thing seemed to take hours, but Miss was nice and stayed with Ariana the whole way through.

Eventually the police returned and explained that Jim wouldn’t admit to what had happened, and until they could go to court, Ariana would not be able to return home. She would have to go into a social services children’s centre to keep her safe.

When her sisters were naughty, her stepdad had threatened to send them to the children’s home. As they pulled up at the door, Ariana felt really scared. She wondered what punishments would be in store for her.

Instead, she was met by a social worker called Linda, who showed her around, introduced her to the other staff and girls, and organised a meal for her.

During her time at the girls’ centre, Ariana felt very up and down. Sometimes she felt that she had nothing to live for. She would lie awake for hours each night before she could sleep, but when she woke in the morning she wished she could stay asleep forever.

At other times, she felt brighter. It was a relief to feel safe from her stepfather. The staff seemed to know what she was going through. She also saw a counsellor once a week who understood and helped her to deal with the difficult feelings.

The court date seemed a long way off. She dreaded having to stand up in court and explain to everyone what had happened. If her stepdad wasn’t convicted, she wouldn’t ever be able to go back home. She wasn’t really sure she ever wanted to.

Ariana hoped her mother would support her, but knew in her heart she wouldn’t. Phone calls with her had been really difficult. She had accused Ariana of lying and bringing shame on the family. She had told her she would never be forgiven if she went to court.

Ariana felt torn in two. The social worker, Miss Costello and the counsellor all encouraged her to go to court, but how could she? From the time she could talk, she had learnt that obedience to parents came before all else.

The court day came; Ariana hadn’t been able to sleep at all the night before. She lay in bed wishing she had never told and right up until the last minute, didn’t know whether she could go through with it.

Afterwards, she wasn’t sure how she had managed.

At first it seemed unreal.

Ariana’s evidence was heard first. It had all been written down by the police. This record (called a statement) had to be taken to the first hearing, but this time Ariana had to appear and give evidence herself.

First, her lawyer (the prosecution lawyer) asked her questions, and then the lawyer who was acting for Jim (the defence lawyer) asked her more questions. Ariana answered each question, but although she knew the words were coming out of her mouth, she felt they weren’t connected to her.

Once she left the stand, other witnesses were called and cross-examined.

The prosecution and the defence presented their cases. After the witnesses, the doctor gave her evidence, which took quite a long time. The Social Welfare Department, Miss Costello and the counsellor all gave their evidence.

It wasn’t until Jim took the stand that Ariana started to believe it wasn’t just a part of the dream. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him when he spoke, but as she heard the lies she wanted to explode.

Worse still was listening to her mother. Her words washed over her but she felt betrayed, as if she’d been kicked in the guts.

When it was her turn to speak again, the words came out, but again she felt like they weren’t connected to her.

At the end of it all, the judge ruled that, in his opinion, she had been sexually assaulted by her stepdad. Jim was convicted and sentenced to two years in prison.

The court case was all over, but it seemed things were just beginning. Everyone had to make a new life for themselves.

Ariana was going to live with foster-parents. It was much smaller than the girls’ centre and she could stay there until she was old enough to live on her own. Becoming a part of a new family was difficult at first. She was really scared of upsetting her foster-parents and worried that she would do or say the wrong thing. They seemed, however, to continue to like her even when she didn’t get things quite right.

Ariana still visited her whanau sometimes. It was different now her stepdad wasn’t there, but the atmosphere was still uncomfortable and she was usually pleased to get back to her new home.

She still felt very lonely sometimes, but it seemed she wasn’t alone quite so often these days. Since she had started talking, first with her kaiako, and then with the other people at the girls’ centre and her counsellor, it had become easier to talk to her classmates.

Making friends hadn’t happened overnight. Ariana was too scared to put much trust in people and she felt there was a lot about her she needed to keep to herself, but it was nice to be included – to be peoples’ Facebook friends, and be invited to the movies and sleepovers.