Christopher felt as if he was in a deep black hole and there
was no escaping. His uncle kept at him. Once, he got up the
courage to tell Bill he wasn’t going to have sex with him
anymore. What happened next took Chris by surprise. His
uncle started to cry and pleaded with him not to stop. He
said that he loved him and wouldn’t have anything to live for
if Chris stopped ‘loving’ him.
Christopher felt that he was even deeper in the black hole. He felt guilty that he had made Bill cry, and now felt responsible for looking after him. If he did stop, would his uncle kill himself? Chris wasn’t sure, but if he did it would be his fault.
There seemed no way out. Chris began to drink more of his parents’ whiskey. If he couldn’t stop the runaway train, then at least he could blot out his feelings of desperation, aloneness and sadness. It didn’t work any better than before though. The minute he woke up the feelings would flood back over him.
One evening when his parents were out he took some of the sleeping pills and drank a whole bottle of wine. This time when he woke up he was in a hospital. There were tubes running into his arm and he was connected up to a machine. His parents were there and a doctor as well. The doctor said that Christopher had tried to commit suicide. Chris glanced at his parents, they were pale and looked really tired. His mother was crying and his Dad kept saying in a soft voice ‘Why Chris, why?’
Chris felt tears in his own eyes. He wished he was dead, he felt so guilty. It seemed that now he had hurt his parents as well. Again, he wondered whether he should tell them.
He was discharged from hospital the next day. His parents picked him up and took him home. The atmosphere there was heavy and sad. His brother and sister didn’t know what to say. His parents sat with him for hours trying to him talk about what it was that had caused him to take the pills.
The doctor at the hospital had arranged for him to see a psychiatrist that week. Perhaps the doctor thought he was crazy. Chris wondered if he might be. When he saw the psychiatrist they talked about how Chris’s interest in school and sport had gradually dropped off in the last year. The doctor asked Chris if there was anything that had happened that made him unhappy. Chris was tempted to tell but wondered whether he could. He still felt it was all his fault.
Later at home with his parents he thought again of telling. They looked so worried and concerned for him.
Christopher felt that he was even deeper in the black hole. He felt guilty that he had made Bill cry, and now felt responsible for looking after him. If he did stop, would his uncle kill himself? Chris wasn’t sure, but if he did it would be his fault.
There seemed no way out. Chris began to drink more of his parents’ whiskey. If he couldn’t stop the runaway train, then at least he could blot out his feelings of desperation, aloneness and sadness. It didn’t work any better than before though. The minute he woke up the feelings would flood back over him.
One evening when his parents were out he took some of the sleeping pills and drank a whole bottle of wine. This time when he woke up he was in a hospital. There were tubes running into his arm and he was connected up to a machine. His parents were there and a doctor as well. The doctor said that Christopher had tried to commit suicide. Chris glanced at his parents, they were pale and looked really tired. His mother was crying and his Dad kept saying in a soft voice ‘Why Chris, why?’
Chris felt tears in his own eyes. He wished he was dead, he felt so guilty. It seemed that now he had hurt his parents as well. Again, he wondered whether he should tell them.
He was discharged from hospital the next day. His parents picked him up and took him home. The atmosphere there was heavy and sad. His brother and sister didn’t know what to say. His parents sat with him for hours trying to him talk about what it was that had caused him to take the pills.
The doctor at the hospital had arranged for him to see a psychiatrist that week. Perhaps the doctor thought he was crazy. Chris wondered if he might be. When he saw the psychiatrist they talked about how Chris’s interest in school and sport had gradually dropped off in the last year. The doctor asked Chris if there was anything that had happened that made him unhappy. Chris was tempted to tell but wondered whether he could. He still felt it was all his fault.
Later at home with his parents he thought again of telling. They looked so worried and concerned for him.
